Thursday, March 2, 2017

Grief gets physical

a lesson I've learned quickly while on this grief journey is that Grief is not just emotional.  Grief has many physical downfalls too.     a fellow widow posted this article to our widows/widowers facebook group and it listed just some of the physical things that happen.

For me personally,   I've experienced both insomnia and excess sleep.  I've been sick more than normal,  extreme headaches, and my food intake is all over the board (either not at all, or nothing but eating anything in site-and not usually healthy).    I've lost motivation and most days come home and lay on the couch or sit in my chair and just stare into space or at the tv. 
The physical side of grief seems to enhance the emotional side.   You are weakened from not sleeping, or headaches, or being sick and the emotions kick into overdrive, which then makes you more tired, headaches worse.  It really is a horrible cycle
I started to realize I had to make a change, and asked my boss to adjust my schedule.  I was working 4 tens, and on the day off I found that I would lay in bed until 1 or 2pm because I was having emotional breakdowns or just couldnt get moving. I'd get up in the afternoon and move to the couch.  so I asked to change my schedule so that I had a reason to get up in the morning.     Now I typically have just one day of the weekend that I struggle. 

today is a minor emotional day.  a few tears fill the eyes, and i have a little headache. It was a beautiful day and as I drove home I kept looking up into the mountains.   Don loved being in the mountains during the ski season.  he loved sending pictures to me from the top of the canyon.    I miss our crazy weekly schedule. I remember feeling like a single person during the winter and thinking how much I hated it.   I didnt want to be single, I wanted the marriage and the companionship.   Now that I am a single person this winter I can say, I hate it. I'd give anything to have our crazy life back.    I miss stealing a quick 2 minute phone call in between runs or driving to the airport to take him a sandwich while he waited for passengers. 

I miss Don more than words could express.   not a day goes by that I dont think of him, and want to talk to him.   I miss my best friend.   
to all of you that have chosen to read and share this journey will me, THANK YOU.  In a time that my world has been turned upside down, Its so nice to have my friends and family that have chosen to stay close and help drag my butt out of my house once in awhile.

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